I stumbled upon this recent doctoral dissertation by Dr. Alicia Patterson (yes, I apparently read random doctoral dissertations…)
Anyway, in her research she theorizes two stages of emerging adulthood – Incarnation and Impudence. From Dr. Patterson:
Incarnation is seen when young people accept responsibility (particularly financial responsibility) for their actions and make decisions in regard to, but not as a result of, parental guidance. The primary reason given for returning to the parental home was finances. Simply put, those emerging adults felt they did not have the resources to continue to maintain their residential independence and took advantage of an opportunity to live with their parents and save money.
For impudent emerging adults, there is typically less thought toward the future. They may not consider how expensive it is to maintain a household or live in school housing, instead adding their living expenses into the cost of college student loans that can be paid later. What used to be paid on rent now is paid on student loans that can be paid later.
In our work, we use the analogy of running cross country or running on a treadmill. You’re body is performing the same motions but in only one case are you actually going somewhere. Part of the hope for parents is that their boomerang children will move from impudence into incarnation as they mature.
One of the key findings in Dr. Patterson’s research is that attitudes toward boomerang children need to be adjusted. She discovered that boomeranging back home does not negatively impact the adult child’s development into adulthood. She writes:
The negativity surrounding popular views of intergenerational coresidence casts a pall on what can be (and usually is) a rewarding experience, which is not only tolerated well, but also desirable in many families.
Research indicated that boomerang children do not suffer developmental setbacks in emerging adulthood due to living in their parental homes. Instead, it is more likely that as emerging adults mature and move toward incarnation, they have a greater likelihood of returning to live with their parents.
Despite this, attitudes of parents and emerging adults view boomeranging quite negatively. Emerging adults are haunted by feelings of inadequacy (even though 40% of their peers are in the same situation). Parents feel that they have failed in their role if their children are not successfully launched from the nest immediately. The feeling that boomerang children are dead weight is often unfounded and may place unnecessary stress on the family and the adult child.
Interestingly, Dr. Patterson found that adult children who live at home are often more mature and responsible than those who are attempting to make it on their own. She believes that this is due to the fact that it is not very satisfying to live at home while abdicating decision-making to their parents or refusing to accept responsibility. Those that are in this ‘impudence’ phase find living at home with rules and responsibilities imposed upon them to be quite stressful.
By removing the stigma of young adults living at home, both parents and emerging adults can work together to make the most of this transitional time so they can get the best start possible into their adult life.
Lots of other good insights in the dissertation if you feel like wading through it.
Discussion Thoughts:
1. How have you seen boomeranging viewed as a negative thing by parents or students you are associated with?
2. How can we come alongside families with children living at home and help them come to terms with this new reality and make it a positive experience for all involved?
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Corey Magstadt is the founder and Executive Director of Launch Ministry. He is the author of the You Are Not Alone small group curriculum for parents of struggling young adults. Connect with him on Facebook or Twitter.
